all the lonely people, where do they all come from (thread for make_it_better)

[letmeseeyousmileagain]

Prudence was miserable.

There was another knock at the door, which made her frown and scoot back a little further on her backside before she pulled her knees all the way back up to her chest. She scowled at the closed door and leaned her head a little into the coats brushing her shoulders.

It was safe in the closet, at least. Quiet, shuttered, small. There were no beautiful superheroes in the closet, and if they weren't in the closet, she couldn't lose them.

She missed America.

It wasn't like they'd gotten super serious. Prudence really wanted it to be, wanted it to grow and flourish and spend every second she could with her first real girlfriend, but it seemed like the city had other ideas.

When she couldn't find America for two days straight, she'd confessed her fears to Jude. He'd been the one to explain how it sometimes happens, how people are taken away...and then he spent half the night trying to coax her off the fire escape.

The other half he spent coaxing her out of the closet.

It was becoming a routine, for both of them. Now that Max was living with Brian, often instead of visiting Jude she'd just sleep over at his place, or he would sleep at hers. Lately, he was at her apartment all the time, feeding her and smoking with her, and then sitting by the closet door trying to make her come out when the sadness got to be too much for her to bear. She ate, and she showered, and she worked, but she just couldn't stand to go out unless she absolutely had to.

She always came back to the closet, though. When it hurt, when it got just too grim...when she couldn't stand it, she had the coats and boots and the one dim bulb. It was what she needed.

It was safe in here.

Comments

[make_it_better]

Jude snorted at the mention of Max and Brian, and grimaced when she mentioned Lucy. "Trust me, the way I love Lucy is...not something to aspire to, Pru," he muttered. He wished he could just cut that part of his heart out, carve the space Lucy had moved into out with a knife and toss it into the ocean. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't productive, and he just wanted to bloody move on already, but his heart wouldn't let go.

When she started talking about America, Jude sighed and crept over to sink down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. "I know, luv. Believe me, I know."

[letmeseeyousmileagain]

"Yes, it is." she replied, cuddling into his side without a thought, then promptly tipping her head up from its place on his shoulder to look up at him earnestly. "Jude, you have no idea how lucky you are! You found someone you wanted more than life, more than--more than air, and she loved you back!"

She paused, lifting her head a little and nibbled on her lower lip fretfully, suddenly feeling guilty for bringing it up. She knew how sore a spot it still was for him, how it hurt him just to think of her...

Reaching up, she turned his head towards her, then leaned up to kiss him.

"You can love anyone you want that way...I can't, not anyplace else except here." she finished quietly. "Here, I can love anybody the way you love Lucy...the way I love you."

And she did, she loved all her friends that way, everyone in their group.

...right?

[make_it_better]

She loved him back--once. "But it wasn't enough," he murmured, and then sighed. According to Luce, it hadn't been enough back in New York and it certainly wasn't enough here.

As Prudence continued, he shook his head a little, leaning his forehead against hers. "But you are here, Pru. Don't worry about how it was in New York. Live for what you have here, be here, yeah? And I don't mean locked in a closet," he added wryly, before the rest of what she'd said sank in.

He snorted softly, arching an eyebrow. "You love me the way I love Luce?" he asked, doubtful. He was sure that wasn't exactly how she'd meant it. They all loved each other, everyone from back home, with one painful exception. Surely she'd just gotten that muddled in her explanation.

[letmeseeyousmileagain]

"I love you all the way you love Luce." she replied, but it was automatic, uncertain. She felt strangely rattled, like she'd told a secret she hadn't even known she was keeping.

Of course she loved Jude, she loves all of her friends, whether they're having sex or not...but that first night, Jude was the one who handed her that towel. Jude was the one who looked at her bruised face and still smiled at her. He was always outside the closet, calling out to her, he was there when she arrived in Darrow, the face she most wanted to see even before Max...

She loved Jude. She...loved Jude.

It was enough to make her kiss him, not more than a quick peck on the lips, before she squirmed away and stood, bustling out of the closet and back into the apartment.

"You're right. I shouldn't be in the closet anymore."

Her head was spinning, she felt breathless and giddy and she wasn't sure if it was good or not.

Because she loved Jude.

[make_it_better]

Jude smiled to himself at her answer. Of all of them, Prudence embodied the whole "free love" movement the most completely, and he loved her for it.

And then she kissed him and burst from the closet, leaving him blinking in the sudden light. Well, that had been easier than expected.

He climbed to his feet and followed her out, wrapping his arms around her in a brief, fierce hug. "Good girl," he said softly, proudly. He knew how hard it was to face your demons. Hell, she was doing far better than he at that at the moment. "So what do you want to do now?"

[letmeseeyousmileagain]

Still reeling from her personal revelation, she allowed herself to be hugged without a fight...hugged him back, and it was the same as it always was: good, warm, safe. There was nothing different about letting him touch her, now that she realized she was in love with him.

...except maybe she snuggled a little bit closer. Maybe she was a little more reluctant for him to let go, but it wasn't epic and sweeping and fraught with intense feeling.

It was just...there, where it had always been, and she just hadn't recognized it.

That baffled her.

"I think...I wanna take a nap." she admitted, drawing back a little to look into his face. When she yawned, it was real, even if she was secretly trying to avoid really talking about anything. "I don't work until later, and I didn't sleep very well last night. The closet's not a great place for sleepovers."

[make_it_better]

Jude nodded, squeezing her arm gently. "All right. Get some rest then, and if you need anything, you know where to find me." Honestly, he was just glad he'd gotten her to come out, even if he might have to start all over again tomorrow. If that was what it took to get Pru to stop hiding and start living again, he'd do it every day until the end of time.

So maybe he was a hypocrite. At least his closet was internal, which made it harder for anyone to realize he was in it, much less coax him out.